Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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