you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
