I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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