please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
