we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
