I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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