I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
