So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
