You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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