i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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