I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
