I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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