Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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