omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize