so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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