I need help removing her.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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