turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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