Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
