Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
