Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
