You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
