lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
