It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
