it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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