i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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