She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
