I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize