I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
