Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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