If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
