i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
