I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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