Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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