i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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