Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just got carded by a ten year old.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize