sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
