just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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