I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
