slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
