you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
