If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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