OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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