I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
