Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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