When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
