high people should be assigned attendants
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
