I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
