i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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