My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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