She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
