God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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