Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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