I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
