hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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