do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
