now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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