Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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