you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
