could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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