you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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