i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
