Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
