You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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